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| It's been forever. So, basically, I'm half-way done here, but I got a lot of things here that I wanna keep, since I've been here since like 2005. So, here's the deal. Daily entries are for livejournal, monthly summaries are for here. So, I'mma do a big summary here this time, then it /should/ be monthly.
June: My mom kicked out Jim, I had ENG Comp II, did awesome in that class, got an A. Mama brought Jim back; I freaked out, yelled at her (His dick is so far up his ass, he can't un-fuck himself!) and stayed with my PawPaw for two weeks.
July: Went to my sister's place. Stayed for a whole month. Mostly stayed at Josh's parent's place. Also, my nephew's name is Caleb Joshua Ashley Whitehead. Ashley Whitehead is his last name. Took care of him a whole lot while I was there. I was surprisingly good at it. Josh got bit by Zeus, and Iunno what happened to the dog. Don't care. Josh got hurt pretty bad and had a seizure and stuff. Crazy. I basically took care of Caleb while he was incapacitated. I think he's probably fully okay now. It's been over a month. The whole time I was stressing over my loan and financial aid. Then Jim GTFO for Navy stuff for two weeks. I went back home for two weeks, got to do my normal thing for that time, then I GTFO when he came back and stayed at PawPaw's again.
August (First Half): Was at PawPaw's. Got my financial aid stuff (which took a LONG time) and my dorm number and stuff. And then I moved into the honor's dorm.
August (Second Half): I'm taking Spanish II, Abnormal Psych (Which I love), Counseling Theory and Practice (Which requires me to have counseling.), Statistics (Which I hate), and Social Psych, and I gotta get 20 experimetrix points.
Still waiting on my financial aid. Then we'll see what I can do. I'll tell ya bout it the end of next month. XD
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| Oh, holy crap. It really has been way too fucking long since I've done one of these. Jesus tap-dancing Christ. Where do I begin? ._.
I have a nephew named Caleb (February 23, 2009). And since my sister and Josh, her baby-daddy, are living together, but aren't married, I honestly don't know if his name is officially Caleb Joshua Ashley or Caleb Joshua Whitehead. Both are still funny though. And holy shit. Even though my sister is a fucking idiot for having a kid without, in my opinion, being prepared for it, I have to say she's doing an awesome job, oddly enough. Too bad he's still not at the fun corruptible age yet. But I swear, if I have anything to do with it, that kid is gonna be smart as hell.
I has a girlfriend finally! Like, not a long-distance relationship even. x3 Yea, if you read my previous entries, KC is the one who was referred to as the cute IT major girl. So, I've been to her apartment on campus three times, methinks--once since we've been dating. We cuddled one night~ Granted, we were still shy, so we didn't even get to the good cuddles, much less the making out and whatnot. I don't move /that/ fast. Hell, it's my first (and if I'm lucky last) relationship that isn't long-distance. So, we didn't see each other much after that due to school letting out and crap like that. But we talked over AIM a lot. So, a few days back, I finally admitted that I was bi, have had polyamorous long-distance relationships, and play on sex MU*'s. To which I got the badass response of "I'm kind of bi/asexual, liek teh yaoi fanfics, and don't care." That was awesome and WIN. If I wasn't already in love with her, I do believe that put the Cupid's Arrow in the coffin. I am in love with KC.
So. The other day, I actually went and met her parents and grandparents. Her mom is so much like my mom it makes me giggle. Her dad seemed like, Iunno, stand-offish or shy or something. To be honest, I was fully prepared for a confrontation. And the fact that he backed off I think freaked me out more, because I don't really know what to make of it. And her aunt reminded me of so many of my relatives that I got used to her real fast. Her grandma is obvious a nice lady. Her grandpa is the most memorable though, considering she threatened to beat him with a stick. XD Honestly? I was sort of reminded of a combination of my grandaddy and paw paw. Wanted to run everything like my grandaddy and tease the hell out of you like my paw paw. So, in all honesty, I have no fucking idea what they thought of me, but I'll be damned if I wasn't trying to make a good impression. And hell, I generally liked them. Maybe it was the familiarity in which they reminded me of my own family. I mean, hell, KC is so much like me it shouldn't be that surprising. Hell, the funniest thing was how similar our rooms were. XD And she liked her presents that I got her for her birthday, I think. (The whole reason I went to New Orleans was to get her something, since we didn't go to any of the really cool places. Oh yea, I went to New Orleans with douchebag and my mom, but that's not important.) But, yea. Was a good day.
But~ While I was gone, shit finally hit the fan at home. Fuckin Jim's drunk ass scared the hell out of his daughter due to being a drunk dick and the kid actually had the balls to call him on his bullshit. I fuckin applaud that kid, yo. Fuckin bravo. So, he went all ape-shit and broke my mom's phone; my mom ran off to my paw paw's, and Sue drove them to the girl's mom's place. But, Sue's vehicle went kapoot. All of this happened when I was with KC. And as I was halfway home, my mom called and was like, "I'm taking Victoria home; Jim broke my phone. I'm sorry that I can't meet you halfway. Jim's being a dick, so when you get home, go straight to paw paw's." So, when I got home, I found out about the vehicle going kapoot. So I had to spend the night being secretary. Got ahold of my sister who drove them to paw paw's. Well, dude was drunk, so he had the house that night and we stayed at paw paw's so that he could sober up and GTFO in the morning. Dude is so lucky the cops weren't called. And I was so lucky I wasn't there to beat his ass and get arrested myself.
So, I got to flash in big red lights to my mom "I FUCKING TOLD YOU SO!" the next day. I mean, I wasn't a dick about it, but still. From my previous entry, you can tell how pissed I am that I was ignored in the first place. But, yea. His ass is finally out, and as soon as he gets his shit and they get divorced, this bullshit will be out of my life for good. And, hopefully, though, I doubt it, my mom will finally have the sense to listen to me when it comes to this shit from now on. I'm a god damned psychology major. If I know anything it's seeing through people's bullshit when I first meet them. So, yea. I hope my mom can finally be happy now. ~_~
In other news? I'm broke. I payed for my first year with 10 years worth of savings bonds. That shit ran dry. And because my mom is always so damned busy with drama, she never got a chance to send in the forms necessary for any of the MTAG scholarships earlier. Thank god I at least have my MPAC for tuition. And the due dates for a lot of MTAG stuff are past, but my mom is finally sending shit in anyway. But, yea. To pay for dorm and meal plan, or fuck, even just to pay for the processing fee to get my fucking dorm, I gotta have a loan. Luckily, I have /just enough/ to pay for my English class I'm currently taking this month at Holmes (which I skipped today to calm down after all the drama and shit.). So, yea. I gotta get a student loan, and in order to do that, I gotta have a few reccomendations and whatnot. So, yea. My goal for the summer: Pass English, get a loan to pay the processing fee to even get my dorm, then actually pay for the stuff. @.x God, I hate dealing with money. ~_~
So, yea. Life seems oddly stable for once aside from financial, but I think that's fucked for pretty much anybody. So, I'm in a relatively good mood. I'm just tired. Still, yay optimism.
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| Ugh. So. Fucking. Tired. ~.~
So, anyway. Like, the day after I moved in my dorm, my mom sends me a text message that basically just said, "Hey. I married Jim." and that's it. Okay, let's back up here. I'm actually surprised I didn't write a previous entry about this guy. Maybe I was too occupied to think about it. But, I think I mostly talked to people about this through AIM.
About a year or two after my dad died, my mom started dating random guys. I was fine with this. However, I felt it would be awkward for her to even bring one of those guys to meet me or something if she wasn't serious about him. So, I would figure, "Okay, if she takes me and some guy out to dinner or something, that must mean she's serious about him." Well. That's how it went with one guy, but that fell through after my mom started pushing him too hard. But I liked how she let me try to get to know him and stuff. More or less, right off the rebound from that guy, she started dating a lot of other guys at the same time. (Personally, I think my mom turned into kind of a slut, but, that's just me.)
Anyway, one day, I come home from highschool and some random stranger that I had never met before was in my house. Apparently, my mom was dating this guy. But, still, I had never met him, and he was in my house. And then...the dude ended up staying the night. ... And then he stayed the entire weekend. At this point, I was like, "Well. I'm just a little pissed that she'd invite him over for the weekend without telling me. I mean, I live here too." And then...he was still there by Wednesday. I was just like, "What the hell?" So, I went over to my PawPaw's to talk to him and his wife who might as well be an adoptive grandma to me. And I was just like, "I don't mind him being here on a weekend. That's still pissing me off that she did that without consulting me, but it's fucking Wednesday. I just don't want people at my house when I'm not there." So, my mom asked him to leave.
The next weekend, he was back. I was still annoyed that yet again, she didn't really tell me, but I was slightly alright with it. ... Then he didn't leave...again. And yet again, he was still there on Wednesday. By the time that day came around, my mom goes, "Yea. I said he could stay with us for a few weeks." I...got pissed. First of all. She already knew I didn't like him there when neither of us were home. But then she tells him he can stay anyway. Wtf? And I just couldn't fucking stand him being there. So, after like two weeks, she goes, "Yea. I asked him to move in with us." and I was like, "...." said nothing, went back to my Pawpaw's to talk again. And this time, I still couldn't get him to leave. He never left, even though my mom knew I didn't like him there. Now, first of all, I didn't like him there to begin with because my mom kept doing shit without telling me.
And then, I figured out that I didn't want him there, because he was a stupid ass drunk. He did typical stupid ass drunk things like throw pissy little tantrums. And he was just flat out a giant dick around my mom. In otherwords, he was in, not just /her/ house, but /my/ house and blatantly disrespecting my mom. The dude even had is kid over at one time. See, here's the thing. He has a fucking child, and he's still not fucking sober. If he's not going to be sober for his child, what the hell makes my mom think he'll be sober for her? Anyway, at some point, my mom found his diary. ... Over the past like 4 years or some shit, this guy has been initially doing the same thing to like four other women. He'd stay at their place until they got fed up with his bullshit and kicked him out. At then at some point while he was still seing my mom, he went over to some other chick's house while drunk and she called the cops on him.
Finally, my mom kicked him out of the house. I hated him there from the very beginning. But I also hated him as a person. So, I thought that was the end of it. But I still never fully forgave my mom for putting me through that shit. And the other thing is, I got really worried about her. Seriously, had that guy done some stupid shit while drunk, I was fully prepared to chase him off with a baseball bat. And that was all from him for maybe a year or something. That guy? Yea. That guy is Jim.
Well. Around Xmas, she started seeing another guy. And...she let him move in, because he didn't have a job when she met him, nor did he have a vehicle or anything else. But he was a nice guy and she basically wanted a roommate. Well. I was out of her house at this point, so I didn't really mind her having a roommate, and she actually told me before she did it. So, I was around the guy, and frankly, I liked him. He was a really cool guy. So, I really felt bad knowing that she would kick him out eventually.
See, that's the thing. When I like people, the people around me don't like them for some reason. When I hate people from the beginning, I say something to the person I like, they argue with me, and then they eventually break up because the guy was a douchebag, and all I can say is "I told you so." This has happened with many of my sister's boyfriends. I'm glad I like her baby's daddy.
Anyway, right before I got back to campus, my mom goes, "I went on a date with Jim." I got pissed off. I told her I didn't like it. I told her I hated that guy and if I ever saw him again, I would have no fear of chasing him with a bat. I don't know if she took me seriously, but I sure as hell was serious. But. I tried not to think anything of it. I figured, "Well, she knows. She shouldn't start dating him again." Haha--no.
A few days later, I get a text, "I got married to Jim yesterday." ... The fuck? I already told her not even two days before that I hated the guy, and now that? I didn't know how to react. All I did was send a text back: "Fine. When shit fucks up, I'll be there to laught at you and say I told you so." Yea. It was harsh. But she blatantly betrayed me. Not only that, she didn't even tell me. Now, before, it was mostly just me that she hurt. That shit hurt my entire family.
Needless to say, I was quite pissed. In fact--I'm still pissed. But, I was hella-busy with classes and shit and didn't have time to deal with that kind of stress. School was hard enough. So, I just put it out of my mind for a while and figured I'd deal with it later. But, seriously, I just didn't wanna talk to my mom. Nothing that came out of my mouth would be nice.
Well. I waited about three weeks to try and calm down or something. Really though, I just needed to talk to someone about it. So, she came to campus to get me on Friday. I just felt like total shit when I saw her. I really didn't wanna be a dick, so I just didn't know what to say. So, for about two hours, we just sort of made idle chit-chat. And see, here's the thing. I couldn't talk about the 2 ton gorrilla in the room, and she apparently hasn't figured out that she's done anything wrong. Okay. She totally does, but I'm guessing she's in total denial. But, yea. I got home...walked in the door...the prick was just sitting there, looking all smug and trying to talk to me. Worse yet, his kid was there, so I couldn't be a dick infront of her. Look, I'm a jerk, but I'm not a horrible person. I wasn't going to bring her into this shit. I just put my crap in my room, walked right back out, didn't say shit, and went back to my PawPaw's. I didn't want to just explode with the kid around, nor was I even comfortable in my own home.
So, I just sort of sat and talked for a while about it. I didn't really know what to do. So, I called my sister to talk about it, because I more or less had our grandparents around to talk about it too. Well, basically, I wanted to go to my sister's place for the night, because I just couldn't go back into my own fucking home. So, she came over and we talked a bit. Like. My PawPaw, his wife, my sister. None of them had even met the guy. All they knew was what my mom and I had told them and that most of what my mom said couldn't be trusted on the simple fact that she'd said something to them, and I told them the truth. As if we're so stupid that she could get away with a lie. Ugh. ~.~ It was getting late, so I went back to my sister's place and did random crap, but that's not very important right now. Anyway, I couldn't sleep very well.
Well, Saturday, my PawPaw called me and basically said that he had more or less talked to my mom a little. Basically, he gave her a basic gyst rather than saying everything. Well, today, my mom came to my sister's place to take me back to campus. My sister didn't say a fucking thing which sort of pissed me off since we were both there.
So, yea. We rode home for two hours. My mom knew I was upset. My mom knew my sister was upset. But still. The ride home was a mixture of awkward silence, random chitchat, going shopping to occupy thought, and just...neither of us could really bring ourselves to say anything about the 2 ton gorrila on the roof. I will say this though. The first ride over, she tried to crack a joke about things, and I was just like, "No." That's it. Just enough to tell her that I was pissed, but not actually talking about it. This next ride, after at the very least having been told something by my PawPaw and practically ignored by me and my sister unless neccessary, I think she got the fucking picture. So, no. She never cracked a joke. I think she was afraid to talk about it. Which is a good thing, because that at least means she's figured out that she fucked up. And that's where we left things. Not resolved by any means, but at least I went home and got the ball rolling a little.
But, yea. I'm just so fucking exhausted. ~.~
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| So. I got back to my dorm. ... It's mine! All mine! I don't have a roommate anymore~<3 I'm free to jerk it and sleep nekkid and all those other fine things. ^-^ So, compared to last semester, I feel so much more awesome here.
So, I did badass with my schedule. I have no class on Friday, before noon, or after 5pm.
--Monday/Wednesday:
--World Literature: Why did I have to get a black teacher? ;~; It's not that I'm racist. It's that...I have trouble understanding ebonics. ;~; In otherwords, I can only understand about 2/3'rds of what she says. Other than that, I guess it's not horrible.
--Theater Appreciation: I figured this class was gonna be easy. In all honesty, it's just really fucking annoying. Ah well. It shouldn't be horrible. I need to go get tickets for plays.
--Tuesday/Thursday:
--Spanish: I really don't like that class. I'm great at semantics. I can read the shit pretty well. I'm good with grammar and writing damn it. I don't like being forced to speak to people. >.< Bleh. All she does is basically say, "This is how you say this phrase. This is what it means. Memorize that." She says nothing about rules or anything else. Gleh. I'm not good at learning that way.
--World Civ: This teacher is kind of a bitch. Like. If I walked into her in a dark alley, I'd probably shoot her, because she'd scare the fuck out of me. ._. At least I only have to write papers, take tests, and take notes. I don't like being forced to actually interact in-person in classes.
--English Comp II: The teacher is pretty cool. She's only 23. Student-teacher or some shit. Honestly? She gets preachy sometimes. But the kind of preachy that I actually *gasp* agree with! Now. I will say this though. Even though I agree with her, I still don't think she should get so preachy. In otherwords. I get pissed off when people get preachy and I disagree with them. So the people that disagree with me shouldn't have to hear preaching that I agree with. ... Or at the very least, let both of us preach. Or...something! Either way. Yea. >> I kinda like that class. I'm still in anime club. Same people. Anyway, the club treasurer guy. I've been hanging out with him a little bit more, which is kinda cool, I guess. His personality is kind of insane. But I'd call him a friend. The IT major girl that was nice and kinda cute? I actually got her number the other day. Hehe. I haven't called to hang out with her yet, but I figure I will eventually. Find a day that I really don't have anything to do or something. I just feel better when I have people's numbers and stuff. Xmas wasn't bad. Not awesome or anything. I'm just glad I had a good month-long break. But it was kinda fucked up how fast an entire month went by. Uhhh. Not much left to say about that, I think.
So, my sister's due to have her kid sometime next month. Still no idea on a name though. Whatever. I'll just be glad when she finally pops. Well. Uh. Xmas had me bored as hell, so the interwebs was kind of refreshing. So, now I oddly feel like I've got an even better balance of class, interwebs, and in-person-friend time thanks to my improved schedule. Oh yea. New friends and stuff too. So, as far as that goes, it's all good. I love my mom. But she is a moron who keeps fucking up and refuses to listen to me. She blatantly ignores the fact that I want her happy and ignored my advice. So, if she's not going to give me enough respect to start listening to me, then I'm just going to stop giving a fuck and talking to her about stuff. That's all there is to that. That's all I'mma say. Oh yea. I hadn't talked about this since my last one. So. Ann and I are totally finished. I sent her an email about three months ago that basically said: "I wanna still be friends with you. That's all." to which, she blatantly ignored. Not an 'I don't wanna talk to you anymore.' No. Just blatantly said nothing and blocked me and stuff. So, I had a friend ask her if she even got the email. Her words were: "I did. But I'm pretty much done with him." So, yea. I initially said (Very nicely and tactfully, I might add.) "Fuck you. If you're going to be a bitch, then I don't give a shit about you anymore. If you ever figure out that what you did broke my heart and want to apologize, you know where to find me." in so many words. Sounded a lot nicer the first time. So, yea. That's over with.
So. Fuck long-distance relationships. Looking back on it, I'm glad that's done and over with.
Oh. And Greg is getting married, so, yea. I'd totally swing with him and Nikki if offered or something. But I don't think I'd invade a marriage or something. Besides. I like both of them and I hope they end up living badass lives. They totally deserve it.
But, yea. As far as Dan and John are concerned, we both figured it'd be a good idea to not have long-distance relationships and just remain best friends. And basically, if I could get the fuck out of here and towards at least one of them, I'd totally start an in-person relationship. And that's just how things are gonna be. I'm just gonna be super-close friends and be patient. Three and half years from now. Harem, please? Either way, if it comes to it, I'll lower my standards and at the very least swing. ._. *cough* Yea. Patients...
I hope I don't have to wait too long before I write another one of these. ^^;;
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| Holy crap. I haven't updated in forever. Like, damn, dude. I've kind of forgotten a lot of stuff and I don't know where to begin. ._.
Lemme think. Uuuuh. My roommate is hardly ever there. He's not too bad. I could have ended up with worse. His friends are douchebags though. The only problem I had was last night when he came in with a friend at like 5am and let the guy crash on the floor. And the drunk dude was a total douche. So, yea. Not happy about that. Our entire floor shares a bathroom and showers. There bathroom is right across from me. The showers are in a separate room beside it. The bathroom has five sinks and stalls. I hate not having my own bathroom. And as far as food in my dorm goes, it feels like I run out kinda fast without a fridge. So, all in all, I can deal with it and have for like a month. Campus itself is cool. I just wish I had a better dorm. But at least drunky isn't here all the time. I at least get a good bit of privacy most of the time. Oh. My connection sucks total fucking ass Monday-Thursday. Friday-Sunday it's actually pretty good. But, yea.
Mondays/Wednesdays: Wake up between 9am-10:45am. Hopefully take a shower, unless I only have like 15 mins to get to class when I oversleep. World Geography from 11am-Noon. The class is kind of easy when I actually show up. It's just hard to show up in the damned mornings. :/ So, I fuck around from Noon-Noon:30. About Noon:30 I go to breakfast/lunch. After that, I'm free to do whatever I want until 5. 5pm-6pm, I got Oral Communications (Speech). It sucks ass. I hate that class. I hate talking in general. :/ I eat lunch/dinner around 6:30pm. After that, I'm up until about 1am doing whatever I want.
Tuesday: Philosophy from 11am-Noon. I fucking love philosophy. Too bad there's no money in it. But I totally fucking love it. Noon:30 is lunch. Do whatever until 2pm. Got Psychology at 2:30pm. I love the material. The class size doesn't bother me. I hate the fucking teacher. She's so fucking quiet, and everything she says has an upward inflection. It makes me want to kill something. We had another teacher at the very beginning, but they changed it on me, which pissed me off. I liked the class when he taught it. Now I hate it. But at least I know it's the teacher and not the class. After 3:45pm, I can do whatever. Lunch/Dinner around 6:30pm. Then, once again, fuck around until 1am.
Thursday: Just like Tuesday for the most part. But I eat again at around 4pm-ish.
-Then I have anime club from 6pm-10pm.
--Social hour is 6pm-7pm before the anime starts. I've yet to actually make friends with them outside of club, but they're cool peeps. Lemme think.
---The VP screams awkward insane nerd, but he's cool.
---The club librarian is a big guy with nerd fashion sense that does a really crappy web comic; but still, he's cool.
---There's three IT majors. The girl is really cool. She offered me pocky the first day. She's kind of quiet, but yet again, she's cool. Actually my type oddly enough. The other IT guy talks about IT stuff way too much. It's weird though. I don't know what he's talking about, but he still explains it really well. But it's like, dude, give it a rest. Talk about anime, damn it. The other IT guy. ... ... ... He sounds just like Caleb. I shit you not. I've yet to ask him if he's from TN, but still. It totally makes me wanna talk to Caleb every time I see him.
---Uuhhh. Oh. We have the Token Crazy Negro That Finds Things. .... Yes. He's a black guy that is totally insane. He just randomly hugged me and I have seen him walk up the steps like a t-rex. But he finds subs and other things, so he's cool like that.
---Oh. And there's the treasurer guy that looks a lot like me and we have the same sort of fashion sense. I'm still more reserved than him though.
---Oh. And one dude kind of reminds me of Liam a little. Skinny, tall, long hair, glasses, crazy hats, tons of necklaces. But he's not as pretty, nor is he masculinely feminine.
---Everyone else? Blacks, fatties, and a cripple kid. If anyone else is cool, they have not interacted with me.
Club ends between 10pm-11pm. We stayed an extra hour the other day for echhiness of Kamen no Maid Guy. Anyway, afterwards, I'm only up until 1am, so I just do whatever until then.
Friday: I have World Geography at 11am again. After that, my weekened officially starts.
So, yea. I met people in anime club, but I have no actual friends from there yet, as we don't hang out any other time yet. But even so, I somehow acquired a social life. No idea how I pulled that shit off. The only problem is that they're all Christ Mythologist Republicans and don't drink at all. I like to drink with people I know, damn it!
-Colin is like George with an upgrade to not suck or be emo. He's pretty much my best friend here.
-Johnathan is his roommate. The guy is a total fatty; It's like, you take all of my worst qualities, amplify them, and get rid of the stuff that makes me awesome. At least he makes me look so much better.
-Nicole is a Mormon band geek. She's cool, but she's still got those girlish tendencies to overreact to guy stuff. Okay. All of my female friends do.
-Jessica is her roommate, and she's a mace-band-person. The point is, she carries a fucking mace and looks like she could kill you with it. She's kind of uptight though.
-Hannah is an insane genius. One of those people that make you go 'wtf, how can an idiot be a genius?' Seriously. The girl seems like she's drunk all the time and she's just...fucking insane. I have no other way to describe her. But she's a damned genius. The point is, she at least is a bit open-minded...because she's insane. But yea. She's cool at least.
So, yea. I went out for a walk one day. And these people come up to me and I help them with a scavenger hunt thing. Then I join in on the promise of brownies afterward--that being the only basis. Turns out it was the damned Student Baptist Union. I'm like "...Fuck!" Damned Christ Mythologists lured me into their den with brownies. So, anyway. And then people were like, "Wanna go to a party?" And I accepted, thinking there would be more food. And because I was bored as hell. And I was stuck there for like two hours. So, the dude drove me home, but he got all creepy on me. He started talking all Christ Mythology-y, like, "So, have you been saved?" and I'm kind of freakin out like, "Yea." "So, are you a Baptist or what?" "Yea. I was raised Baptist." "So, would you like to come worship with us on Tuesdays at 6?" And I'm like, "Well. My schedule is really hectic. But I'll try to make it sometime." "I just love God, you know? What Jesus did for us. It's just amazing." So, I was just like, "Yea. The idea of heaven and forgiveness of all the stuff we've done. It's great." while I'm thinking, 'GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!' So, yea. I try my best to avoid this douchebag, but I've seen him on campus like three times. ~_~
I haven't seen anyone from high school on my weekends since I got here. I tried to go drinking with Pickle last weekend, but the fucker never picked me up. But I somewhat stay in touch with people over facebook. I really should go hang out with people one weekend.
As far as the interweb goes. It's just so fucked up. It's just not that big a deal to me anymore. I mean, don't get me wrong. I still love it here, but... *sigh* I don't have anywhere as much free time. And sometimes I feel too crappy to even get out of bed when I get time off during the week. (The food tastes good and is free, but otherwise kills me.)
But, it's just. When Ann broke up with me, a piece of my love for the internet died. Speaking of her. We aren't on speaking terms. I'm still just a bit bitter and hurt to the point that when I see her online, it just hurts a little. I'm getting over it pretty well when I don't see her. But when I do, it's like my emotions go back to where we last were. Not only that, I just don't have anything to talk to her about. Honestly? We can still be friends when I'm fully over her. But I don't think that'll happen until I fall in love with someone else in person. And even after everything, I'm still in love with her, which is why it hurts. But, yea. I wanna fix things at some point. That point just isn't now.
Everyone else though? Dan, John, etc.? Well. With us, it's more like. There's no romance anymore for the sake of not wanting to get hurt. However, we're still best friends. And if the opportunity for us to fuck ever came up, I'd totally take either of them. And if the opportunity to have an in-person relationship with either of them came up, I'd do it in a heartbeat. But, as that's not the case, I have my emotions to a point that it doesn't matter if it doesn't happen. I'm happy being friends. That's where I want to be with Ann--happy being friends. But, yea. Just stuff I try not to think about.
But as for MU*ing. I haven't had many scenes since I got my internet back. I don't have a whole lot of mood most of the time. And I don't have many people to play with at all. Blah-blah-blah. Point is, I log on when I can, and if I don't get a scene, I don't care anymore. It just doesn't seem as important as it used to. Basically? I'm sort of detaching myself from internet 'responsibilities' that I had put on myself to focus on my in-person life. And I think I've come to a better balance. But I'll /never/ leave the internet. What I want and have always wanted is to take the best parts of the internet and shift them into in-person. And I still think it's possible. But I know that I have to succeed outside the internet to bring this dream to life.
And because I don't have time to do internet stuff, and tv can get boring when I have nothing to do, I got some books. Yes. I've started reading. I hate reading. But it's better than nothing. I've been reading "Walden"/"Civil Disobedience". I also got the SparkNotes to the Old Testament for the hell of it. And I got Chibi Vampire vol 9&10 just to say that I own some manga. XD
In other news, my sister's having a damned boy. I totally wanted a niece to dote over, damn it. Bah. Either way, a nephew is a nephew. At least I still have a kid to corrupt (in a good way) in general. ... Yes, everyone I know totally corrupted me and I came out awesome as hell, so fuck you. >.< *cough* She wants to name him Joshua (Some crazy name that I can't remember) Ashley. I want to kill my sister over the name. That is all. Speaking of which, that damned girl hasn't called me in forever. :/ I should call her at some point. Oh. And my mom's shoulder hurts because of a shrinking vertebra pinching her nerve or something like that. Point is, I just worry about my mom. That is all.
.....Yea. That's pretty much it. Everything I said? That's somewhere around a month, yes. But, like, it tends to repeate like that every week. But, at the same time, random and unexpected shit happen on campus. Like, it took me forever to get the internet back, I run into my friends and hang with them out of nowhere, just a bunch of random little things here and there. I should update more often. That is all.
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